(Click here to read Ps 139 in the English Standard Version)
Images and metaphors related to textiles abound throughout the Bible. Sometimes, like in the story of Elijah and Elisha (1 Kings 19), a garment — a cloak — symbolizes on its own the whole prophetical function : the prophet Elijah quite literally throws his cloak at the one who is going to become his successor, as a visible sign of his role and authority as the one who speaks in the name of God. Sometimes, like in the Gospel according to Mark, garments stand for one’s identity : called by Jesus, the blind Bartimaeus relinquishes his cloak as he jumps in answer to that call, and we guess that with his cloak, he also relinquishes his old self, the one who sat for endless days in darkness, to become the one who walks with the Light (Mk 10).
And sometimes, like here, it is the process of making a garment which helps us understand what is going on.
But first, let us read that psalm from the beginning : “You know when I sit down and when I rise up ; you discern my thoughts from afar”. “Where shall I go from your Spirit ? Or where shall I flee from your presence ?” What is the psalmist trying to express ? Is that praise for the Lord’s wondrous deeds, or is he crying out in despair at that terrifying thing : intimacy, an intimacy much too close for comfort with his God ? Such an intimate relationship was, after all, none of his own making. He had no choice, no say in it.
Intimacy, most of us know it, can sometimes be difficult to manage, wether between close friends, in a family or in a couple. There are things we would prefer to keep secret. There are things we would prefer not to know. But however difficult it may be, we can bear it because, in our relationships, intimacy usually is chosen and reciprocal. We allow ourselves to get known by the others as the others allow themselves to get known by us. This is not what the psalmist is talking about. Wether he likes it or not, God knows everything about him, even those things he would prefer to hide in the darkness of the night, those things he dares not avow even to himself — in fact, He knows him far better than the psalmist knows himself. And yet, to his human partner, He remains at the same time a mystery, the greatest mystery of his whole existence. Indeed, being intimately known by a complete stranger who watches you at all times, relentlessly, and has the power to pronounce a definitive sentence over your entire life — and God, in His utter otherness, is a Stranger to us — is a terrifying experience. It is no wonder, really, to see how desperate the psalmist is to stress how much he hates the wicked and their evil ways. These bellicose verses are no more than a “O Lord, have mercy on me !”
And yet, the psalm expresses more than a heart-wrenching cry of despair. Hope and comfort are not absent from it, because of that simple fact : God, the psalmist says, “knitted me together in my mother’s womb” ; He has “intricately woven me in the depths of the earth.” Every knitter, crocheter or weaver knows it : creating an intricate and elaborate fabric is a minute, time-consuming labour. Slipping the shuttle again and again through the threads on the loom ; catching yarn with knitting needles or a crochet hook to create loop after loop, tens of thousands of them : there is no better image to express a long, painstaking, patient work. There is maybe no better image for selfless love, for time freely given, than those textile crafts where progress is so slow, sometimes barely perceptible (some particularly intricate woven fabrics are so time-consuming that it takes one year to weave one single meter of it), and which result in a thing of wonder and beauty.
It is no coincidence if, for centuries, the good wife and mother was the one who clothed her family herself from the work of her hands, because it seemed that only the deepest love and the greatest dedication could keep her back bent on the loom and her hands busy with the needles, in a ceaseless and constant effort, each garment only completed to leave place for the next.
“You knitted me together in my mother’s womb”, says the psalmist. And suddenly, God is not that stern, terrifying judge any longer ; He becomes the loving mother herself, working with an infinite patience on this labour of love which makes us more than just living and breathing human beings : the flesh of His flesh, His beloved ones. In this act of creation, we are given more than a body and a beating heart : we are made both the work and the recipients of God’s overflowing love which creates us just as He created Wisdom (Proverbs 8:23). And because of this love, because He knitted us together and intricately wove us before we could even remember it, intimacy with God becomes not only a bearable, but even a desirable thing. It becomes the promise of a life-giving and lasting love, far greater than our sin, our fallings and our shortcomings. It reminds us that we have no sterner judge than our own heart, but that in God, we will find that most extraordinary thing : forgiveness. It reminds us that, in the words of John (1 John 3:20), whenever our heart condemns us, God — the God whose infinite love and infinite patience knitted us together before we came to the world — is greater than our heart.